As we’re making final preparations for our relocation from Germany to Dubai, I’ve been binge watching Downton Abbey. If you’re not familiar, the series takes place in the early 1900s in the UK and centers around a large manor, the extensive staff, and the aristocratic family that lives there.
In one episode, the matriarch of the family, Violet Crawley, Dowager Countess of Grantham (played by the late Maggie Smith) said something that struck me in the midst of our move. She said, “All life is a series of problems which we must try to solve, first one and then the next, and then the next, until at last we die.”
While the character is speaking about much larger challenges that her granddaughter Edith is facing, namely, being pregnant out of wedlock when her love interest is missing and the police can’t find him, I wanted to reflect on some problems and solutions or resolutions that we’ve faced recently with our move to Dubai.
Jumping through the hoops
When relocating to a new country, there are usually tons of hoops to jump through before you’re approved to move. For instance, with our current move, we needed to get some of our documents attested. Basically, this means we needed to have our documents showing our relationships to each other verified so they can be accepted to process our visas. The steps to get our marriage certificate and our son’s birth certificate attested included:
- Have original copies of the documents.
- Get original copies notarized in the state where they were issued. For us, this was Minnesota.
- Send the documents to Minnesota to get an Apostille. This is a certificate from the state saying they are authentic and valid.
- Forward the documents with Apostille certificates to the US Department of State to get authentication certificates at the federal level.
- Forward documents with these certificates to the United Arab Emirates Embassy to get them verified and stamped there.
- Have documents complete with all of the certificates and stamps returned to you.
Each one of these steps takes time. Some take more time than others. And the whole time your documents are being mailed around and processed, you have to just wait patiently. Because you did all that you can do, and you have to rely on the other people involved in the process to do their part.
Tips for dealing with the transition
Relocating internationally is a series of hurdles, each demanding patience and persistence. Here’s how we’ve been tackling the transition and maintaining our sanity, inspired by Violet Crawley’s pragmatism.
1. Do what you can, then let go
Do what you can.
When you’re faced with a monumental task like moving your entire life across continents, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. The most effective antidote is to focus solely on the next immediate, actionable step and execute it flawlessly. For us, that was ensuring our documents were notarized correctly in Minnesota before being sent for the Apostille. Once that package was in the mail, our part was done. That task was completed.
Create a Done List alongside your To-Do list. When you’ve completed a step, especially one that involves handing off an item to a third party (like mailing documents or filling out an application), move it to the Done List. This visible record of your accomplishments combats the feeling of stagnation when you’re waiting on others.
2. Practice radical acceptance of uncertainty
Be comfortable waiting in the uncertainty.
The most difficult part of the attestation process wasn’t the task itself, but the waiting. Your documents, some of the most important papers you own, are literally crisscrossing continents, out of your control, for weeks on end. You have to learn to live in a state of productive inaction. Stressing or checking the tracking number every hour doesn’t make the process move faster. It only drains your energy.
View the waiting time as a gift to be used on other, non-logistical tasks. Use this mental space to research neighborhoods, look for new schools, or simply spend quality time with your family. If the process is a marathon, this is your time to conserve energy.
3. Leverage your network
Use your network.
No one expects you to navigate the complexities of international relocation completely alone. There are people who have done this before, and their knowledge is invaluable. Your network isn’t just for job hunting. It’s a source of current, practical information that an official website might not provide. Do you know someone who moved to Dubai recently? Ask them which courier service they used for their documents or what mistake they made that you can avoid.
Don’t just ask general questions. Frame your requests with specificity. Instead of “How did you get your visa?” try, “Who did you use as a local agent in the UAE for the final visa stamp, and were they efficient?” A specific question yields a specific, usable tip.
4. Persistence over perfection
Don’t give up.
Let’s face it: you will hit roadblocks. An application will be rejected, a document will be deemed incorrect, or an email will go unanswered. These moments feel like a huge setback, but they’re just another problem to deal with. As Violet Crawley reminds us, the goal is not to eliminate problems, but to solve them, “first one and then the next.” If a document is rejected, take a deep breath, find out exactly why, and create a new plan.
Maintain a central, detailed log (a spreadsheet works wonders) of every document, every date it was mailed, and every contact person and phone number. When you run into a problem, you won’t waste time searching for old information. All the data needed for your next attempt is right there, allowing you to pivot quickly and keep moving forward.
Solving problems
Violet Crawley was right. Life is an endless series of problems, and moving to Dubai is simply our most recent, high-stakes series. From the complexity of attestation to the simple act of deciding what to do with our old sofa, each step demanded focus, patience, and persistence.
By breaking down the tasks into a list of manageable problems, completing what was within our power, and practicing radical acceptance for the rest, we’ve found a path through the transition.
We might be facing new challenges when we land in Dubai (finding the right apartment, navigating a new culture, learning the local rhythms) but we now know the rhythm of the solution: Do your part, trust the process, lean on your people, and never give up.
In the end, it’s not just about relocating; it’s about solving problems, one after the next, until you’ve built a vibrant new life.
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